Steven Wright Sarcastic Quotes

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

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