Groucho Marx Sarcastic Quotes

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

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